Monday, September 6, 2010

How Can You Mend a Broken Heart.......

What do you say to a girlfriend who finds out her husband, that she's devoted to, has been using "porn" as his partner instead of her? Perhaps I hurt so much for her because I've heard her tell others "Our relationship is based on trust." "I don't keep things from my husband." "I love my husband." She's so devoted to him and he's been ignoring her and spending his time cultivating relationships with "other women" on-line. She feels betrayed, hurt, sad, sad, sad.... I think the worst thing for her is she's been telling him for 10 years that she felt something was wrong and he told her it's just the cycle that all men go through- the just slow down. Can you believe she caught him once and he said it was the only time he'd ever done it and he'd never do it again. Then three years later she finds out he'd been doing it for TEN YEARS! He thinks she should just "Get over it." I am wondering if I am not a good person to talk to because I may be too old and don't get the on-line sex thing. Mostly I don't like to see my friends so sad. She's just an empty shell right now. Her questions- how do you build the trust back (after he's lied for 10 years), why did he not talk to her, is it over, how could he lie to her when she talked to him the last ten years about feeling like their sex problems were all her fault and he knew what was wrong the whole time. I once watched a movie that said, "All men are liars." I guess I'm too much of a dreamer to accept that. Uh-oh, this got a little long. Okay ladies, let me know if I'm too old to counsel this young mom........ oh she's also upset because they have 4 children. He says he's never done anything when they were around but she can't believe him. He's mad at her because she continues to ask him questions about the "whys". It's been one week and she'd talked to him 3 times. MEN!


  1. Hmmmmmmmmmmm...get over it?! I can't believe he thinks that's all she needs to do. I can honestly say I don't know what I would do if I were in her shoes. I think you can counsel her, if she wants to be counseled. I don't know what you do if the spouse doesn't see a problem and doesn't want to seek help. Perhaps the first thing would be to drop the internet subscription at home!

  2. I'd recommend seeing a counselor to them. While I'm sure you can help out, this is a major communication problem that requires a mediator. Nowadays we tell people not to sacrifice themselves for a relationship and not to put up with emotional abuse. I feel like people have taken it to extreme and any criticism of their behavior is always seen as one of these circumstances. Divorces are occurring because people don't work at relationships and refuse to compromise. And how on Earth can a couple resolve an issue like this without someone to help? He sees no problem with lying for 10 years and preferring internet stimulation to his real-life wife. How can she possibly change that herself? *sigh* I digress.

  3. I suppose in a culture when chekcing out porn is practically a right of passage for boys, it just doesn't seem like as issue to him. I'm with MBG on this Mimi. Try to be a good friend but refer a professional for counseling.