Monday, September 6, 2010
What do you say to a girlfriend who finds out her husband, that she's devoted to, has been using "porn" as his partner instead of her? Perhaps I hurt so much for her because I've heard her tell others "Our relationship is based on trust." "I don't keep things from my husband." "I love my husband." She's so devoted to him and he's been ignoring her and spending his time cultivating relationships with "other women" on-line. She feels betrayed, hurt, sad, sad, sad.... I think the worst thing for her is she's been telling him for 10 years that she felt something was wrong and he told her it's just the cycle that all men go through- the just slow down. Can you believe she caught him once and he said it was the only time he'd ever done it and he'd never do it again. Then three years later she finds out he'd been doing it for TEN YEARS! He thinks she should just "Get over it." I am wondering if I am not a good person to talk to because I may be too old and don't get the on-line sex thing. Mostly I don't like to see my friends so sad. She's just an empty shell right now. Her questions- how do you build the trust back (after he's lied for 10 years), why did he not talk to her, is it over, how could he lie to her when she talked to him the last ten years about feeling like their sex problems were all her fault and he knew what was wrong the whole time. I once watched a movie that said, "All men are liars." I guess I'm too much of a dreamer to accept that. Uh-oh, this got a little long. Okay ladies, let me know if I'm too old to counsel this young mom........ oh she's also upset because they have 4 children. He says he's never done anything when they were around but she can't believe him. He's mad at her because she continues to ask him questions about the "whys". It's been one week and she'd talked to him 3 times. MEN!